What is my most important relationship?

Taken from John Maxwell's, Relationships 101, this is the first question that I see must be answered.  It is important to identify your priorities in life and from there the rest of your decisions will get easier.  The three F's are our ranked priorities:

1. Faith- shows you how to live and what good living is.
2. Family- the most important relationship.
3. Friends, etc.- the things we serve that gives us happiness.

If you can get your priorities/non-negotiables straight everything else will fall in line.  It is similar to the basketball floor when building a defensive philosophy, once you determine what the most important aspect of your defense is the rest becomes an easy decision.  Sean Miller, Arizona Wildcats, explained it like this.  (Paraphrased)  The most important priority on defense is to not let them other team score, what is the best place to score, close to the basket, how do you defend close to the basket?  Once you decided how to guard the post (close to the basket), guarding every other posistion on the floor automatically takes care of itself if it is a well laid plan.

Relationships in life are the same.  Once you determine what your non-negotiables are and you figure out what the most important relationship is and how it will function, the rest of your relationships become easier to manage because they will either blend with your belief system or they won't.  As John Maxwell stated, "Succeed at home, and all other relationships become easier."

"When you have a strong family life, you receive the message that you are loved, cared for and important.  The positive intake of love, affection, and respect... gives you inner resources to deal with life more successfully."

So what are the steps to having an effective relationship?

Work to stay together.  Each member of the relationship has to recognize and appreciate the value of the other and want to be involved.  As time passes, lives and circumstances change, and people have to adjust and grow with them.  Are you growing together,  do your respect and value the other person?  Below are some ways to check yourself before you wreck yourself.

1. Express appreciation for each other.

2. Structure your lives to spend time together.

3. Deal with crisis in a positive way.
     - Attack the problem, never the person.
     - Get all the facts.
     - List all the options.
     - Choose the best solution.
     - Look for the positives in the problem.
     - Never withhold love.  (Acknowledge the problem but give them unconditional love.)

4. Communicate Continually
     - Develop platforms for communcation.
     - Control communication killers.
     - Encourage honesty and transparency in conversations.
     - Adopt a positvie communication style.

5. Share the same values.
What are your non-negotiables... deal breakers... etc.  If you don't share the same belief system     you will undoubtedly have problems.  List these values and committ to them and the decisions of your every day life will get easy.

6. Build your marriage.
"The greatest thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.  The greatest thing a mother can do for her children is to love their father."

As Pat Riley once said, "Sustain a family life for a long period of time and you can sustain success for a long period of time.  First things first.  If your life in in order you can do whatever you want."

Thank you to John Maxwell for these wonderful ideas.  While some of the words are mine, the core is his and his to be shared.